En route to a village in Theni
Pavi             Ayla
A rainbow dream, a hope of golden change;
Some secret wing of expectation beat,
A growing sense of something new and rare
And beautiful stole across the heart of Time.-Sri Aurobindo

Farewell (for now) message from Ayla Gustafson to the rest of us. She is the cinematographer and editor of our film, a rare kind of person and a wonderful friend. Her compassion, creativity and commitment were an integral part of this journey…

April 2003:
The indifferent keys of the keyboard beneath your fingers can be intimidating. They wait indefinitely for you to gently press upon them. I wish there was a way to write down precisely for you what i have felt here, but words never measure up in these sorts of instances. Only if I could similarly carve these feelings into another’s' heart could they truly understand ...

But words could never match the accumulation of spirit, of energy, that comes as much from the earth here as from the space above. It is the mixture of it all that overwhelms the senses unnaturally, until it begins to feel more and more natural, and then, there is an unbearable thirst for it, and the thought of leaving makes you ache.

When I think of the last three months i see single flowers, faithfully placed, though discrete, somewhere in the frame of each interview. I see sky, blue, electric, soft, and alive, noticeably so, after Dr. V. told us in our most frenzied weeks to make sure to take time to look up. I see hot pink bandages, a man with a mop (our personal consort throughout our days of shooting in the hospital), children running, Pavi drenched, wading around a temple in the sea, an elephant we befriended in Pondicherry, a rainbow shooting across deep and heavy blue clouds on the way to Theni, Sri Aurobindo's room at the Pondicherry ashram, and hundreds of faces, each individually beautiful. I hear rickshaw horns, Pavi reading Savitri, I hear voices, some 20 hours of voices, of whom only a pinch were able to fit within our final piece, but whose sounds in their entirety will ring in my ears forever.

The hard work and selfless devotion to helping those in need, unconditionally, that I have seen in the eyes of so many I have met will be something I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

So I want to thank everyone I have met in this journey for everything, for welcoming me into your arms and making sure that I felt at home almost immediately. Thank you for introducing me to a world that is so beautiful and full of light. I took a class the fall semester of last year on Documentary writing. My professor, the first day of class, handed us a quote by James Agee.

"For in the immediate world, everything is to be discerned, for him who can discern it, and centrally and simply, without dissection into science or digestion into art, but with the whole of consciousness, seeking to perceive it as it stands: so that the aspect of a street in sunlight can roar in the heart of itself like a symphony, perhaps as no symphony can: and all of consciousness is shifted from the imagined, the revised, to the effort to perceive simply the cruel radiance of what is."

I felt some of the meaning of this passage the moment I read it half a year ago, but i didn't fully understand it. My professor even said, after all these years, he didn't think he really understood. I feel that i now not only understand it but have felt it ten fold.

The people, the words, the energy i have felt in the process of doing this film have roared loudly, and it has been the most beautiful symphony i have ever heard.

I especially want to thank Pavithra, for pulling me into this project, and for just being her. I have never met a person so full of energy and life, and her dedication to making this film happen is something i again cant express. rarely sleeping more than 3 or 4 hours a night the past two and a half months, she was piercingly aware of the slightest need of those working around her. She would insist that i nap or break while she dreamt up interviews and images that didn’t exist, but she then created, never stopping once to look back. It was this passion and drive that she spread to me in so many moments, to see people and their colours in ways i had never imagined, to weave together the 1800 minutes of pictures and sound that would tell the life story of an unbelievable soul.

I know we have both gained a tremendous amount from this process, and we hope that others can share in the light and energy of the people who make this film so beautiful.

Thank you again for everything.

I will miss you terribly, and hope to return soon.

But first i must graduate.

- Ayla :)

I

February 2003

It would take too long to list out all the pieces that have been falling into perfectly into place here, but I want to just point out this one thing, because I think it illustrates something very crucial (and very beautiful)...

We've started filming. And it's been intense. We’ve done close on a dozen interviews now (with dozens more to go) and they've been Unbelievable. Every single one. The profound ways in which people have been touched by Dr V/Aravind comes through with a force that takes your breath away. Really. They touch on different aspects of the same thing these voices but they all come together on one central idea- and I cannot tell you the number of different ways people have made this point when talking to us, that if they have learned one thing from Dr V and Aravind it is this:
When you find something you deeply believe needs to be done, it doesn't matter if you cannot see your way through it.

Start. Anyways.

Start working at it with the strength of your belief and a pure heart. And the way... the way will become clear.

II

You know the other 'One thing' that makes this perfect?

Accessiblity, Availability, Affordablity... Aravind's core principles yes?

Well, that's what we're working with. People who are stunningly accessible, willing to make themselves available, and, affordable (because volunteers tend to be that way and this is one of my favourite facts-on-the-film: that it's being made by volunteers, there's such a meant-to-beness to that somehow...)

III

This is our first film. There is so much to do and so much to learn before we can do it. And not that much time. But there is such energy in every day- a ‘tide of mighty surgings’ that bears it all making my head and heart spin, but not stand still...This morning after our reading, Thatha (Dr V) said smiling just a little, "Sometimes powerful forces act on your life...at these times you must try and be still, because otherwise they cannot stay. You must step back and stay calm...and you must take time to see the sky..." Much later that same day I remember his words and smiling a little look up...Behind Aravind the sun is setting and a silver cloud strangely shaped stretches five fingers each edged in bright gold over the roof of the hospital- a quietly spectacular blessing.

Take time to see the sky.

And that would become the catch-phrase of the making of this film, an inside joke and an inner reminder…Walking the beachfront in Pondicherry alongside a pumpkin moon in a black ink sky, a sudden rainbow surging out of dark blue clouds over wide green fields en route to Theme, and in the scorching heat of Madurai midday, feather mattress clouds piled one on top of the other in an impossible sky, clouds high above us changing shape and size and colour, clouds that in those moments when we paused for breath took our breath away. Reminding us to be reverent, of this time, this place. This here and now

IV

March 2003

Went back to the villages yesterday for some mop up shots and some patient interviews. What a day! Across fields, through streams, over walls, under trees, hopping from wet slippery stone to wetter slipperier stone trying to find buffalos and write-onable sand- with twenty very grinning village boys all shapes and sizes escorting us everywhere.

V

One thing about making a film of this sort:
When you set out to film you start Looking. For beauty, for wonder, for Life.
And you start looking at the world a little differently because you're looking for moments to capture for "eternity".
So you start looking and the funny thing is- that's all you have to do.
To find all of it-Just Look.
And you'll start seeing the soul-that-shines-through. Everywhere.
The bravery in the smile of a little boy with bandaged eye.
The poetry in the wrinkles of an old woman's face.
The kindness in a doctor's hand.
The peace in the silhouette of a temple at twilight.

"When a man is in contact with his soul...everything opens up in a different way." That's what Dr V says. And the everyday blooms into a miracle.
Every day.

In some ways making a film is about the privilege of watching that happen from behind the camera's lens.

With great gratitude for that privilege

VI

It’s humbling to the three of us- just being a part of this, being able to contribute to something this big, this beautiful. Something with this kind of raw potential to reach people. One last thing- and then I’ll really stop

Thank you all for helping to make this happen, with your efforts and inspiration, your blessings, support and guidance.

Thanks for being here in different ways...

Just one more last thing

Intelligence and capability are not enough
There must be the joy of doing something beautiful. - Dr V

May we hold onto that joy.
Now and always,

pavi